Keď sa človeku ani žiť nechce...

16. května 2011 v 19:31 | pepenka5 |  (Ne)Dôležité kecy
A ten nadpis myslím smrteľne vážne.


Ráno mi zazvoní otrepaná zvučka na mobile, ktorá preruší aspoň jedinú časť v mojom živote, ktorá ma ešte baví - spánok. Jediná chvíľa, kedy môžem vypnúť a nestarať sa do všetkého sveta okolo.
Potom ešte asi dvadsať minúť vylihujem a dúfam, že sa mi poradí zaspať tak, aby som sa zobudila až niekedy poobede. Raz za čas sa mi to podarí, ale to by nemohla byť moja drahá mater nezamestnaná. A ona ma vždy zobudí v čase, keď sa ešte nevyspím a polovicu vecí rannej hygieny nestihnem.


Potom škola. No... úprimne? Dúfam, že si toto neprečíta ani jedna moja spolužiačka, ale je to už trochu nadomňa. Cítim tam takú divnú priepasť, ktorá tam predtým nebola - to je také "my sa s tebou baviť nebudeme, načo, keď teraz odchádzaš a už sa neuvidíme". Kto chce vedieť tajomstvo? Z osmičky nejdem pre to, že sa bojím, že by ma na budúci rok nezobrali, ani pre tú jednu babu, ktorú tam poznám, ale pre to, že ak by som mala s mojimi milovanými spolužiakmi stráviť ešte ďlaších 10 mesiacov, asi by ma trafil šľak.
Ja si proste nemôžem pomôcť. Nemôžem a nemôžem.
Vážne sa už teším, kedy odtiaľ vypadnem. Bude mi ľúto za... fúha, rýchlo napočétať... dvomi ľuďmi. Jéj, a za celým uč. zborom, ktorý ma rozmaznával, niektorí oslovovali rôznymi názvami ako "Jahôdka" a podobne... A za ostatnými?

Nič. Jedno veľké nič. Od polovice triedy utekám a tí zvyšní sú mi úplne niekde. Ale pokračujme, nie som stále iba v škole...


Prídem domov a tam už moja mama. To je ďalšia vec, ktorá ma deprimuje. Naša finančná situácia. Moja mama je nezamestnaná a niekedy na konci leta by mala prestať dostávať tých okolo 100 € za to, že robila viac, než tri roky v kuse predtým, ako ju vyhodili. Robila desať rokov. Z predchádzajúcej roboty dobrovoľne odišla. Nikdy sa na nič nesťažovala. Ani na ten mizerný plat.
A teraz je nezamestnaná a peňazí je málo. Minulú zimu zarábala ako brigádnička - ako nakladačka sušeného ovocia dostala viac peňazí ako môj otec! Ale na tie tri mesiace sa to vážne neoplatí. Moja mama už nevládze ísť robiť za pás, takže ešte môže ísť robiť do potravín za 300 €. Plat môjho otca nie je o nič väčší. Šéf môjho otca je od neho straší, čiže ako pôjde do dôchodku...
Ja viem, že toto by sa ma týkať nemuselo - ale proste keď o niečom takom viete, keď viete, že už nemáte peniaze skoro na nič, trochu to bolí...

Jarná depresia? Možno. Ale mám pocit, že sa to nezlepší. Už aby som vyštudovala a našla si dobré zamestnanie - naši mi od asi 9 rokov hovoria, že raz im budem prispievať :)
 


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